Nap Bandit

Yesterday afternoon after I put J down for his nap, I was tired myself and decided to lie down on the couch and see if I could get a nap in too. Twenty minutes later, just as I was reaching that warm fuzzy place, the all too familiar cries jolted me back to the cold, crippling, almost asleep, awake state. Proving how I have NEVER been able to do that 'sleep while the baby sleeps' business.

This is what leveled me in the early days of motherhood. Each time I would lie down and attempt to sleep, whether it be for a nap or nighttime, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. This anxiety would start to build because I knew as soon as I fell asleep I was going to get woken up and it was going to suck so bad. Suck worse then not sleeping, or so it seemed, and thus, a vicious cycle ensued. Me needing to sleep -me unable to sleep because anxious about being woke up from sleep - me FINALLY falling asleep, but woken up only a short time later due to the amount of time I was awake and anxious about that very thing! - me really needing sleep more than ever and so on and so on...

The nights are great now so it really did pass even though it seemed like it never would. J sleeps about 11 hours at night with no waking that requires intervention from us and it is the reason I AM ALIVE TO WRITE ABOUT IT. Seriously, I need my sleep. My brain does not function right without it and I have no doubt that I was probably suffering from some type of postpartum anxiety disorder.